t’s gotten to the point where I keep multiple varieties of custom packaging tape in my vehicle at all times. There have just been too many times when I’ve needed a quick fix, and it was the electrical tape that slipped under the driver’s seat, or the barricade tape left over from a Halloween prank, that came to the rescue. Like the one time I was dropping my daughter off for her first day of junior high, and one of her backpack straps broke clean off. Besides my consternation at the fact that a brand new backpack was kaput on day one, my daughter began to panic at how seventh grade was starting out.

You probably know what I’m going to say next. If it’s, “And then I whipped out some custom packaging tape…”, you would be correct. My cousin had given my son a bunch of half-used aisle marking tape from the last time he’d remarked the floors to his auto shop, and I had quickly confiscated the red roll for my custom packaging tape stash. It’s a good thing I took the red kind, too, because it matched perfectly with my daughter’s One-Direction backpack. For the one and only time I thanked God for all of those bright, pouting lips. I saw that years of listening to all of that crooning, and stumbling across too many awkward doodles, had led up to the purchase of this backpack so that I could use the red tape and become the coolest mom in the entire world.

A little bit here, a little bit there, and not only was her backpack fixed but she now had a custom striped design on her straps. As she walked into school with renewed vim and vigor, I overheard someone say to her, “Cool tape job. I should do that to mine…”. That’s right, world; you can’t touch this! That was a pretty amazing day. It was not so much an amazing day when I fell down some stairs and my shirt split down the side seam.

It wasn’t the most perfect thing, but if I wouldn’t have had some custom packaging tape at my disposal I would have been forced to expose myself to society, whereas I was able to mend the tear with some strips of adhesive enough to get me home fully clothed. And the thing that really sucks is that was my favorite shirt, too…

Have I mentioned that I started catching up on The Walking Dead? Of course I have, mentioned it that is. I’ve been talking about it a lot lately, and how with technology these days these shows and stories are so insanely convincing that you almost begin to wait for breaking news to hijack the TV and tell you that the real zombie apocalypse has finally happened. I feel like, every time, I have to verify that I am not normally a paranoid doomsayer. As a matter of fact, the end of the world is not something I’m particularly worried about at all.

However, I’ve begun to reflect on what would be beneficial to have around in the hypothetical post-apocalypse. You know…just in case. I have come to the conclusion that packaging tape would definitely be in my list of top five. I’m being totally serious. Packaging tape (such as duct tape, aluminum tape, electrical tape, filament tape…) is more or less technologically advanced rope. It can be used to tie someone to a chair. It can be used to secure you to a tree branch so that you can get some sleep without worrying about falling into the gaping mouths and outstretched hands of the cannibals below. (Did someone just say “brains”?)

If the strap on your backpack breaks, not a problem! Make a new one out of duct tape. If your shoe falls apart, no problem! The fan belt? No problem. Need someone to stop talking or crying or screaming or complaining? Any and every tear and hole in your clothes can be repaired with packaging tape. My new and greatest idea is this: armor. Take a tube sock and cut the toes off and another hole so that you can wear it like a glove that goes all the way up to your elbow. Then wrap it a couple times in duct tape. No biter is going to be able to get through that! Do the same thing with your neck and lower legs.

This will be really helpful in reducing anxiety. It would also be helpful if people had better hearing and overall just paid more attention- I certainly would not be the one who manages to get bit by a zombie in a huge wide open field. But if I did I would admit my mistake like a woman, chop off my arm, and seal the end of my nub with packaging tape. It’s clear to see why it’s time to start stocking up, people.

During one of my recent shopping “trips” on PackagingSupplies.com, I stumbled across one of the best stocking stuffers of all time: custom packaging tape. Of course there are several brands of packaging tape that are custom to certain fields of work and job descriptions (like gaffer’s tape is for stages and booths, and electrical tape is for wires), but then I saw that you can also customize your custom packaging tape.

This is a pretty perfect idea. If you are anything like me, you probably know quite a few goofy people, or you are probably going to be attending some sort of white elephant party in the near future (did I mention that we are about a week away from Christmas right now?). Perhaps one of those goofy people is your teenage son, or your mother-in-law.

Your teenage son might appreciate some tape with his name printed on it, in huge block letters, and your mother-in-law might get a kick out of some tape with a witty saying printed on it, like “oh no you didn’t”. And then, while you are ordering some “oh no you didn’t” for your MIL, you may decide to order an extra roll for yourself, and all of your friends who are mothers, because you got this amazing idea to hand out justice with custom packaging tape. For your kid who keeps leaving dirty dishes all over the house, tape them together with some “oh no you didn’t” and leave them on their bed.

As many times as it takes. For the kids who keep leaving their toothbrushes on the side of the bathroom sink to make a nasty, crusty film, tape those things onto the bathroom mirror with some “oh no you didn’t”. Spread some strips on clothes left lying around, and wait to hear the groan. You could even find yourself taking justice outside of the home.

The car that double parked? When they come back outside they find a giant X of “oh no you didn’t” across their driver side door. It’s not keying, but it would still be satisfying. Or at work you label all of your Tupperware with this aggressive statement and when some sneaky jerk is reaching out their grubby paw to eat that leftover lasagna their brains will read it and they will automatically turn to someone else’s. I’m getting pretty excited just thinking about it. Okay, now don’t steal my idea…

Consider this scenario: you are a delivery person and you have been asked to deliver a very important package. It turns out that you are supposed to personally deliver it into the hands of the president. The only problem is that you can’t tell where it is supposed to go. It’s not the White House, that would be obvious, it’s a secret rendezvous point, but the shipping label has been completely obliterated by wind, rain, and man-handling. Every time you think you get it figured out you look again and get confused all over again.

By the next day, people are being to drop like flies without the antidote. You have the antidote in your possession, it’s in the box, but you don’t know where the secret lab is! Suddenly, a dancing panda chases Robert Deniro into the room, and you realize you are sitting on the toilet. Why are you on a toilet? Why is the toilet in the middle of the living room? You have to figure out how to play it cool and act like you aren’t on the toilet. You can’t tell people that you met Robert Deniro without telling them that the scene includes you being on a toilet in the middle of the living room. It’s not my fault, you want to scream!

And scream you do, so loud that it wakes you up. Phew. It was all a dream! Immediately, you go online to PackagingSupplies.com and begin to search ‘packaging tape’. At last, you find it: clear label protection tape. This is double-wide style tape, at four, five, or even half a foot wide. It will easily cover any and all shipping labels, and you will never have to worry about the horror scene you just witnessed in your resting imagination. Also in the packaging tape family is the label protection tape dispenser, which is more or the less the same thing as what is used for regular packaging tape, but made wider to accommodate the wider width.

You getting all this? If you want to be really careful, which I’m thinking that you do after that horrible nightmare, you should go with the pouch tape. You’ve guessed it, it’s a little clear pouch that comes off a roll with adhesive on the back so you can put the shipping label and any other papers in it and not have to worry about them being destroyed. These also can be used with the dispenser. Label saving has never been easier, and it turns out that the right kind of packaging tape has made saving the world a whole lot easier, too. Thank God for that.